Day 17:: Spreading

Soundtrack: "Micah 6:8" by Charlie Hall

Wow. If I have ever been truly humbled, it has been today. Look at what God asks us to do! Look at how well he knows what we want to do! He asks us to give selflessly without agenda and take care of those who can't take care of themselves. He knows, though, that we want to look out for ourselves and look out for #1. Today, I was humbled to know not only does God ask me to do HUGE things that I often neglect, but also that He totally knows my game. He totally knows what I'm up to, even when I think I'm pretty good at faking it.

God, may I remember to spread the wealth...in every way I can. Share a smile when I feel like sharing a lecture. Cut back in the budget so I can give more to people who REALLY need it. Don't expect from others; instead, give to others! God, allow me to follow the example of your Son. Allow me to as you said, "Do what I'm telling you!"

Day 16:: Surrounding

Soundtrack: "I'm Yours" by Tenth Avenue North

"Live in His holy presence in holy reverence."
-I want to repeat this every morning when I wake up, partly because its catchy :) but really because it is a perfect motto for living. Live each moment WITH Him...respecting Him in all I do...glorifying Him ultimately.

"Follow the road He sets out for you."
-What great instruction. So many days, I wake up to follow my own road...not too concerned with God's particular direction for any ordinary day. Yet, when I have a big decision to make, then I'm begging for an answer. What if...I just stayed on that road EACH DAY...wouldn't I have more direction when I get to the forks in the road?

"He's your praise!"
-God is who I should find all my joy, excitement, and praise in life in. He is who deserves the praise for all things. And when I feel I don't have anything left to praise, He is still God and that is a HUGE praise!

"Cut away the thick calluses from your heart and stop willfully being so hard-hearted."
-God doesn't want anything between us and our relationship with Him...not any calluses, any of our wounds, stubbornness, apathy, or anything. God shows tremendous understanding for the human psyche here (He did create it, afterall). But he shows how complex it is and how we cover our hearts with defense mechanisms and masks or shut ourselves down to real love.

God, may I be aware of your presence surrounding me each moment of each day. May this strengthen my friendship with you and help us feel closer but also be a constant reminder of WHO I am living for. When I haven't chosen to acknowledge your presence, I have easily become convinced again that this life is about me. Lord, show me where my heart is hard and break me down. Here I am.

Day 15:: Listening

God's Words. I give them some attention, but not enough. I don't usually treat them like the Words of GOD, and when I do, I may listen but not necessarily obediently. It says here, though, to listen OBEDIENTLY which means HEAR and DO.

As I was getting ready for DtO last week (we are like studying the same part of the Bible right now), I read about God's desire for the Israelites to wear His law on their foreheads and hands. Evidently, the forehead represents what is inside (our thoughts, our hearts) and the hands represent action (what is outside). God desperately wanted His Words to penetrate the people's hearts, take over their thoughts, and become their actions. Then, he asked them to hang it over the doorway to their house, where they exit and enter. This was particularly interesting because it was like God wanted to remind them as they transitioned from the comfort of home to the outside world and back in to live for Him...to glorify Him in whatever setting they were in. These days, we have like 10 different worlds we operate in and its easy to carry on different lives in each place. God wants to be Ruler of our heart and life in each one, though. He wants His Word on our forehead, on our hands, and over all of our doorways.

The Old Testament is a very real picture of how God desperately wants us to follow in His ways. And it's not like He hasn't promised over and over again that it is best. Why don't we believe Him? Oh, we are just as bad as the Israelites.

Day 13:: Taking Refuge

God, thank you that I can TRUST in your character that says,

"I alone am righteous.
I am full of love.
I will see your sin justly.
I will deal with you in grace.
I will fight for you.
I will help you.
I won't forget you.
I am FOR you."

Day 12:: Sticking Out

What most impresses me about Caleb is that he sticks out. I think the most common disease among Christians (including myself) is the desire to NOT be set apart, to NOT stick out...even if the sticking out is for good reasons; we just don't want to do it. Caleb didn't just have a good spirit, he had a different spirit, it said. So, in spite of everyone else's desire to serve themselves or be mediocre, he turned his heart toward God. He followed God passionately...not timidly...not doubtfully...or half-heartedly...FULLY...WHOLLY...ran after God.

God, you have called me to live a different story. Let me live that kind of life.

Day 11:: Remembering

I am most likely to forget WHO God is, WHAT He's done, and ALL of His promises when things are on the up and up...when everything is going my way, when I slip, without notice, into self-sufficiency. I again become self-relient and God becomes an adornment that I wear, not who I live and breathe.

The Israelites had Passover for much of the same reason. God knew He was taking them from slavery to the wilderness to a "happy place": the land flowing with milk and honey. He knew they would need a reminder of where they have come from, of what He had done, and of their great need for Him.

My symbol of remembrance: My wedding ring / My day of celebration: My anniversary.
I made a covenant the day of my wedding with God and Michael to live together for Him. May my commitment band most remind me of what God has done and is wanting to do through and in us...ways he has worked in our lives, provided for us, used us. May our anniversary be about celebrating YOU in our lives, instead of ourselves.

Day 10:: Purifying

At first, I was repelled by this passage, wondering again why the God of the Old Testament cared soo much about staying away from this stuff and Jesus of the New Testament (God incarnate) hung out with lepers and prostitutes who probably had STD's. Then, I got it...I think.

There is this theme throughout the whole passage..."I AM GOD!" In the Old Testament with the Israelites in Leviticus, God is still establishing WHO HE IS in the minds of His people. He is HOLY, PURE, RIGHTEOUS. In the New Testament and today, we arrive with a clear picture of God's purity and holiness. That way, when we watch Jesus stoop to touch a leper, we can actually feel the great love that it takes...instead of seeing it as an empty, ordinary, nominal action. Instead, we see this huge, great God...in flesh...loving on anyone and everyone. We wouldn't exactly get this picture if God had not come among His people first to establish who He was and is. He is GOD. He is HOLY. He is RIGHT.

It all points back to God's overall plan to show the fullness of His glory to all His people, yesterday, today, and forever.

Two more thoughts:
1. God provided a pretty easy way for the Israelites to rectify their uncleanliness and make it right with God. It was direct disobedience alone (choosing NOT to clean when you knew you were supposed to in God's presence) that cut them from God's presence. Not as harsh as it sounded, maybe?
2. I HATE spiders, too, God. Thank you for including that in this passage of Leviticus.

Day 9:: Letting Go

I let my sins run off without me today. They are without me. I am without them. I can start over. I do not have to live in the shadow of these thoughts or actions. They are off by themselves without my justifications, rationalizations, or excuses. They are gone by God's Word alone. Thank you, Father.

I need to remember this when I remind myself of my failures. I need to remember this when I feel inevitability to repeat my actions. I need to remember this when I stumble again. Because I will. God alone is the remedy.

Day 8:: Sacrificing

I think God wanted to portray a concrete picture in the minds of His followers of the work of His grace through the sacrifices of the Old Covenant and the ultimate sacrifice of the New Covenant. This reason is why I think he asked for the sacrifices of the Jewish faith to be carried out in this particular and certain way. People at that time (and today) could have an actual picture of what it looks like to be taking the things that separate us from God, laying them at the altar, and offering our sacrifice (or self) to God as a gift. The priest, I think, provides a visual for and alludes to the coming Christ, as well.

Jesus came as the pure, spotless animal and was sacrificed on the altar to make atonement so all of US can be be forgiven. We no longer need animals or priests to make our sacrifices. Jesus wants US instead, at the altar, laying down OUR LIVES in exchange for His. Today, when we sin, we must sacrifice our pride and take up humility. We must sacrifice self-centeredness and take up selfishness. We must sacrifice our old self and live in a new way.

God, help me see clearly the sin in my life. Help me see every place where I am on the throne instead of you. Allow me to follow you more closely, so I will neglect to walk into sin. Thank you for sending Jesus as the Lamb for my sin offering. Thank you for the grace you give. Forgive me for how I have trusted in my self, have been judgmental or bitter, and have continued to walk in my own ways.

Day 6:: Revealing

"Look! Here is a place right beside me." : You have reserved a place for me right beside You, Lord and you invite me there today. You keep me in the safety of Your hand.

"Not a soul is to go with you." : You desire just me...and all of me...SOLO...before you. You don't have tolerance or desire for any distractions I might try to bring. You just want to deal with me.

"So much love, so deeply true - loyal in love for a thousand generations." : You are full of love and overflowing. Your plan of love and grace began at Creation and lasts for a thousand more generations. I am just as important to you and loved by you as Abraham, Moses, and David.

God, I want to take the place you have reserved for me at your side. Let me come there solo. Let me know the love that has touched 1,000 generations. God, help me see your many faces this year. Help me feel the many facets of your love.

Day 5 - Complaining

It's important to get things off our chest, but especially with God. Ironically, I know I most often bottle things up with God. I can vent at home or to my friends or coworkers, but God? No, He doesn't want to hear that. Afterall, wouldn't I really being filing a grievance with Him...since He is over...ALL?

But when we DON'T get things off our chest we build a layer of a mask and pretense that says, "I'm okay." Pretty soon, we have many layers of pretenses and many masks we wear, even with God, that hide our complaints, our questions, our deepest fears and that say, "Really, I'm okay."

When we break down these walls, we build intimacy. When we let God (or anyone else know) what hurts us, we open doors. When we share with Him our fears, we give Him room to encourage us, lifts us up, and provide the hope we need. When we hide, we leave Him no room to be who we need Him to be.

The Israelites needed God's provision badly and they had good reason to be afraid for their well-being, but they took their complaints to God....and he listened. I pray I can take my complaints to the right place, because only there can God use them to mold me, to change me, to make me who He wants me to be. And it is there, I find intimacy with my Father.

Day 4:: Watching

"Remove your sandals from your feet. You're standing on holy ground."

My interpretation: You have come into my presence, and I am surrounding you. Show me the respect that I deserve in reverence. Come before me without your own protection.

What about God's holiness?

My holiness sets a standard.
My holiness exposes your sin.
My holiness picks up my slack.
My holiness humbles you.
My holiness empowers you.
My holiness makes me God.
-God

It is in the quiet moments that God is waiting for me to notice his majestic holiness and saying, "Betsy, Betsy...come to me...uncovered...remember who I am...let me show you something."

Day 3 - Forgiving

to be the forgiver: is to see beyond how you've been wronged and see how God is moving; to quiet your heart, weep in the pain, and then choose to offer grace and life instead of more pain and death.

to be forgiven: is to receive undeserved mercy in the face of blatant sin or manipulation, to be covered with a love that hurts because it is so undeserved; to be offered life instead of death; to receive a new start and a new relationship.

forgiveness = love: Joseph's brothers did not come out of love. They came to him with the intention to serve themselves, provide a fraudulent message, and self-protect. God used their sinful words and motives, though, to inspire love in Joseph...to do a work in his heart. It broke him to hear his "father's" words and to come to the place where he realized God was asking him to forgive. He offered unconditional love and grace when he was able to say, "I choose to offer you life. God has not stopped loving and protecting me, so neither will I for you."

God's invitation to me: to those who hurt me or I am frustrated by, will I offer grace? Can I...forgive the sins of the servants of my God? Can I be a slave or servant? Can I take care of them and their children? Essentially, will I choose to forgive?

Lord, help me forgive. I choose to forgive. Give me your eyes and your heart for those who have hurt me the most. Above all, thank YOU for forgiving ME.

Day 2 - Wrestling

It is scary to let everything move ahead without you in life for awhile (like Jacob did), to take the time to stop and wrestle with God. And its scary to tell God what my heart is struggling with because I know, if I do, in the end, I will lose control and He will have His way with me.

Take control, God. Have your way with me...

Jacob says, "I'm not going anywhere until you bless me," and God says, "What's your name?"
God is reminding Jacob by asking him this that his name means manipulator & schemer. His name perfectly describes his past. "What are you trying to do, Jacob? Manipulate ME?"
Jacob was looking for all God has to offer without having to encounter Him fully or do as He wills. When the wrestling is over, though, Jacob is yearning for more and asks God what His name is. He wants to know Him more. "Who are you?" he is begging.

In the midst of my own wrestling, I cry out to you, God, wanting to know more of you...needing more of you right now, God...

Day 1 - Hiding

Lord, I hide from you. We all do. I hide behind my self-sufficiency. I hide behind my pride. I hide behind my desire to please you. I hide behind an "everything is okay" mask. Lord, break me down in the sinful areas of my life. I stand here, in this wide open space...here i am.

Solo Debut

I embark today on a 365-day journey through the Message devotional, Solo. Here, a daily thought. In my journal, the overflow. With dear sisters in Christ, I depart.