Day 114 & 115

So...I've been gone...Here I am. I HAVE to get back into the habit of blogging. Here is yesterday's (which I thought was today's) and today's.

Day 114: This JUST happened to me...like literally. I usually feel like I don't get caught up in chasing the world and its pleasures TOO MUCH, that I kinda have it under control at times. But yesterday, it was interesting to watch myself get OBSESSED within a matter of HOURS once something was just MENTIONED in my life. And I wanted it badly, lustfully, deeply. I'm still working out with the Lord what my motivations are, why I am so drawn to the idea, but the thing is, no matter how many HEALTHY motivations there are, I am still being drawn to it in an obsessive, unhealthy, worldly way as well...and today, after I've woken up, I am ready to say, "Wash that away Lord...as you alone have willed!"

I think this passage alone is critical to understanding not only Solomon but also his ultimate downfall. It's pretty serious stuff...the pursuit of worldly things...and there are so many fine lines. That's why today I realize how important (once again) it is that we are individually and daily surrendered to the Lord's desires alone.

Day 115: This is one of my favorite passages in the world; a beautiful portrait of what true community looks like, a picture of what we all need in our life. Today what I realized all over again, though, as a I read it was that each part of this description of Godly friendship and companionship requires humility and selflessness. So often we sit back, asking why we don't have the kind of connection described here, instead of asking where we could use more humility, where we could be more selfless in the lives of those around us. God, grant me humility (ouch!) and Lord, please make me selfless (double-ouch ouch).

Day 99:: Wisdom

What a fresh reminder of my GREAT need for Your wisdom, Oh God.

I need your wisdom when I am completely overwhelmed and stressed to the point of breaking.
I need your wisdom when I am frustrated with others and do not know how to react.
I need your wisdom when I feel like I am right and someone else is wrong.
I need your wisdom when I know I am wrong and someone else is right.
I need your wisdom to carry me through times in the shadows, when your direction is unclear.
I need your wisdom when I feel torn in every direction.
I need your wisdom when I want everyone else to be happy and end up being the one sad.
I need YOUR wisdom.

Please shelter me, oh God, with YOUR wisdom.

Day 93:: My Guardian

"God's your guardian, Betsy, right at your side to protect you."
Where does my strength come from? THIS is what it's supposed to be about. God is my protector and guardian. Everything in my life He has allowed and everything not in my life He has chosen not to be there. Oh, God, teach me to trust. Help me to live each day, believing you ARE my guardian and protector.

Day 92:: Your Word

(I'm back!!!!)

I loved reading this passage in The Message...I'd never done that before. I suppose it was refresshing because I'd grown used to them in the other translations.

"By your words I can see where I'm going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path." I love that illustration. They don't throw all the house lights on so I can see all that is around me and where I'll end up...they throw a light on the PATH that is otherwise dark...a PATH is a single-direction...a PATH heads ONE WAY to ONE PLACE...and with light on it, I can head in the SINGLE direction God is leading me to the place He wants me to be. The concern here isn't to have everything KNOWN or the future assured, it is to "see where I'm going." As I prayed through this Psalm, I was so thankful that I have this tool to use to SEE the path God has laid out for me and not to stumble and lose the path because of darkness. It reminds me of hiking in the dark. The summer I worked in Colorado we did tons of sunrise and sunset hikes so you ended up walking either up or down in complete darkness...except your handy dandy flashlight. The flashlight did not show you all of your surroundings, so you couldn't be sure if there were creatures roaming around you and you definitely couldn't evaluate any alternate paths...you could just see step after step ahead on the path that was promised to be successful...and so you USED your flashlight (duh!) and you stayed on the path (duh!) because it was so incredibly dark and dangerous if you didn't.

Can I think about my life like that? That I need to USE my flashlight and I need to stay on God's path because it is so incredibly dark and dangerous if I don't?

Thank you God, for your Light!

Day 85:: Salivating

I realized something about myself today. I do have a sincere, intense hunger for God...in a way. I hunger for more understanding and knowledge of Him, not in a trivia way but still in a very intellectual way...in a deep and deeper way. I like to "eat my fill of prime rib and gravy..." but then, what I realized is the way I consume it does not always leave me smacking my lips and shouting praises. It's kind of like I like to collect these deep thoughts, these theories, these words...I like to meditate on them...I like to think...a lot...but I need to make sure that all of even THIS is to the glory of God, which means that even all of this understanding-God-driven-passion leads to WORSHIPPING Him, not pride...and leads to PRAISING HIM, not just intellectualizing. I suppose what I mean is that I need to become a person that can't get enough of GOD, rather than the person I can be sometimes...can't get enough of an idea, a theology, an understanding, etc. I know this probably makes sense to NO ONE but me, but its out there anyway.

Day 83:: Set

"Lord the one and only - Everything I need comes from Him - I'm set for life."

This makes perfect sense, but is so hard to implement as a lifestyle of trust.

Lord, may I know AND LIVE as if you you are the one and only with ALL that I need...for LIFE.

Day 82:: Scary

This passage is scary to me. "He's looking for...just one God-ready woman. He comes up empty...USELESS, unshepherded sheep, taking turns pretending to be the Shepherd...treating people like a fast-food meal over which they're too busy to pray?" It almost sounds absurd. Almost. But then, I realize its scary because it is 21st century westernized Christianity. We have more unshepherded (undiscipled) sheep running around wanting to be in charge or in control that our churches are looking for products...quick and cheap. Produce new births and make it snappy. But God is looking for one GOD-READY man or woman, and He's having quite the search. To be God-ready must be a lot harder than running a production line or being in control. Being God-ready means ready to let God do His thing...letting God be the shepherd and asking people to recognize Him alone as the shepherd and choosing to grow. It's scary, too, because how often am I God-ready? How often during my day, am I ready to be evaluated or allow God to walk into my office, home, or car? And, if someone came in to evaluate my life today, would I be among the unshepherded flock...looking for fast-food results? Or, would I be following the One who knows the only way to the water? Oh, God - shepherd me. Ready me. Guide me. Disciple me. Thank you for loving me.